S-O-S
by fengbi
Summary: There were a great many things that Alfred F. Jones wished to never experience. At the top of that list was calling his very pregnant mate at 3am from jail.


There were a great many things Alfred Jones did not wish to experience in his lifetime. Ever. That list included explosive diarrhea before an important meeting with his boss, going on a salad diet, farting loudly during an important business meeting, and any interaction at all with his brother's communist Cuban friend.

At the top of that list was calling his very pregnant mate from jail. Especially if that mate was in the week of his due date. And certainly not at three in the bloody morning.

And by some unfortunate twist of fate, that was exactly where Alfred found himself.

The officer who arrested Alfred had been apologetic about the entire situation. Technically, it wasn't Alfred's fault that he had gotten in a fight with some drunkard on the streets. He had been defending his mate's honour, after the drunk alpha called his mate a "fat whore with legs". And the other guy threw the first punch; Alfred only hit back in self defense. And really, Alfred should have let it go but, well, he was an alpha male who had some alcohol in his blood and his protective alpha instincts simply took over. Not to mention, the drunkard had followed up his insult by attempting to shove Alfred on the road.

Really, the drunkard had it coming.

Nevertheless, Alfred was still standing in jail, in handcuffs, staring at a wall mounted phone in hopes that Arthur would not mutilate him too much.

"Anytime now," the alpha officer behind him muttered, not at all impressed with how long Alfred was taking. "Some of us have jobs we gotta get back. Gotta make a living, ya know."

Another day, Alfred probably would have voiced exactly what he thought about the officer's less than respectful behaviour. But Alfred had some more pressing matters on his mind.

Namely, calling a certain Arthur Kirkland-Jones in handcuffs and convincing Arthur to not leave Alfred in jail for the next two days.

Taking one last deep breath, Alfred stepped towards the phone on the wall. With shaking hands, he pulled the receiver off and held it against his ear with one hand, while the other shakily dialed his home number.

Ring….ring...ring….no one picked up until eighth ring.

"If you are a fucking telemarketer trying to sell shit at 3 o'clock in the fucking morning I'll have you know you can stick -"

Alfred interrupted Arthur before Arthur could say anything incriminating. "Uh, hey Artie, how's the baby?"

There was a long pause. The calm before the storm.

"Your fucking baby is trying to dig itself out of my fucking body and if you don't get your deadbeat ass home by the time I hang up I will dissolve our mateship. I swear I will, you get that fat ass of yours here so I can get your fucking baby out of me."

The officer watching Alfred was rather amused as the man broke out in cold sweat, and tripped over words as he tried to explain himself to his mate.

"Yeah, uh, funny story about that…." Alfred tried to say, as his fingers nervously tapped against the receiver in his hands.

"Well it won't be such a fucking funny story if you don't get your ass here in the next two minutes you fucking asshole. I've been having fucking contractions for hours and why the fuck haven't you answered your fucking phone!?"

At this point, Arthur was screaming so loudly that although the call wasn't on speaker phone, the officer watching Alfred could hear all of Arthur's words with perfect clarity. From across the room. Taking pity on his traumatized charge, the officer took the receiver from Alfred and talked to Arthur himself.

"Hello Mr. Jones," the officer said rather amicably, while Alfred stared at him in horror. "I am from the NYPD and -"

"You give this phone back to my piece of shit mate right this moment or I will castrate you. I have had contractions for six fucking hours and my asshole mate is out doing whatever the fuck he wants."

Alfred and the officer shared a look, knowing that there would be no peaceful resolution and they would both be lucky to get out with their alpha pride and balls still intact by the end.

Arthur paused his furious ranting just long enough for the officer to jump in to explain, "I regret to inform you that your mate is unable to go to your assistance and he has been detained for disorderly conduct."

On the other line, silence.

Then Alfred and the officer heard Arthur take a deep breath.

All Hell was about to break loose.


End file.
